Monday, June 13, 2005

What Could They Be Staring At?

They're watching the trees and the butterflys and the bugs flying and the grasshoppers hopping into the pool when they should be in the grass. They're watching the ants crawling up the side of the house next door and the postman walking down the street delivering mail. And they're watching the kids playing basketball on the playground across the street and all the other kitties playing in the back yard. They're watching the trees shake in the wind and the birds flying about. They're smelling the cool, fresh breeze coming off the lake in the distance. They're watching the boats pull up to the dock. If they're not watching these things, what else could they be staring at?

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Saga of the Soggy Situation

Terrential downpours in the North East caused much damage to my humble abode. It's pretty wet! I'm down for a few days drying out!
See you next week.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sweet Sue

Ev'ry star above Knows the one I love Sweet Sue just you
And the moon up high Knows the reason why Sweet Sue It's you
No one else it seems Ever shares my dreams
And without you, dear, I don't know what I'd do,
In this heart of mine You live all the time Sweet Sue, just you.

Monday, March 28, 2005

You're Right... I don't believe it!

...and the driver was comming awful close. So I turned to give him a dirty look, and no one was driving. So I looked back at our car and it was GONE!!! Well, it passed me at the bottom of the hill and I didn't know what to do so I stopped. And the pontiac kept on goin up the hill and it didn't quite make it to the top... It didn't...? ...Not much it didn't!!! Fact, it started rolling backwards and CRASHED!! right into me.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

'You' Stay Here And Tell That Story?

Look if Fred comes back, you tell him that the man came for the Cadilac and that Ricky has the Pontiac downtown. If the man comes for the Cadilac, you tell him that Fred has it out for one last farewell spin. If Ricky comes home, you tell him the man came for the Cadilac and Fred took the Pontiac downtown to have it washed. Okay?

Friday, March 25, 2005

The Nasty Parrot

A few years ago I received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of this bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything I could think of to set a good example. Nothing worked. Finally, I got fed up and yelled at the parrot. And, the bird yelled back. I shook the parrot, and the bird got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, I put the bird in the refrigerator freezer. For a few minutes, I heard the bird squawk and kick and scream ... then suddenly there was quiet. Not a peep for over a minute. Fearing that I'd hurt the bird, I quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am truly sorry, and I will do everything to correct my poor behavior." I was astonished at the bird's change of attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

By The Waters Of The Minnetonka

You know, on the night of the full moon, the high Priest goes to a jungle clearing, and sings a song of love. And then follows the cortship dance in which the bride-groom tries to impress his bride to be with his fercness and stregnth. So now, lets pretend that this is a jungle clearing, there is a full moon, and the high Priest is singing his song.

Moon Deer, How near Your soul divine
Sun Deer, No fear In heart of mine.
Skies blue O'er you, Look down in love;
Waves bright Give light As on they move
Hear thou My vow To live,
to die, Moon Deer, Thee near Beneath this sky.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

By The Shores of Gitche Gumee

By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water,
Stood the wigwam of Nokomis,
Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis.
Dark behind it rose the forest,
Rose the black and gloomy pine-trees,
Rose the firs with cones upon them;
Bright before it beat the water,
Beat the clear and sunny water,
Beat the shining Big-Sea-Water.
There the wrinkled old Nokomis
Nursed the little Hiawatha,
Rocked him in his linden cradle,
Bedded soft in moss and rushes,
Safely bound with reindeer sinews;
Stilled his fretful wail by saying,
"Hush! the Naked Bear will hear thee!"
Lulled him into slumber, singing,
"Ewa-yea! my little owlet!
Who is this, that lights the wigwam?
With his great eyes lights the wigwam?
Ewa-yea! my little owlet!"

This Time... Mom Writes A Letter...

Dear Lucy,
How are you and how is Xavier? I got the pictures and I'm releived to see that he looks just like you. The real reason I'm writing is because I went to my club meeting yesterday. You remembner Flo Pauline Lopez? The club recording secretary? Well, it seems that Flo Pauline's old college room mate, Ella Scott Porter has a cousin who maried a man named Ford and went to live in a little town in Tennessee. Well, it seems this cousin has a boy named Ernest. She has an older boy named George and a younger boy named Roger. Ernest is her middle boy. Well to make a long story short, Ernest is on his way to NY and I told Flo Pauline to tell Ella to tell her cousin to tell Ernest that you'd be glad to entertain him. Of course I don't know Ernest personally, but any friend of Flo Pauline's room mates cousin is a friend of mine.
Love Mother

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A Suit To Top All Suits...

A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

"No," she insists. "My husband wanted it to be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director, " Thank You, that is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another man was brought in, this one wearing a dark blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So, I switched the heads.

Monday, March 21, 2005

What's a pretext? ...duhhh... Idunno!

Well, its when you want someone to do something but you don't want them to know that you want them to do that particular something so you make up something else, then they think they're just doing that something else but in reality they're doing the something that you want them to do but don't want them to know that you want them to do it.

Or... you can check this out: Click Here!
My linking to the above site does not benefit me in any way, shape or form what-so-ever. I just googled "pretext" for the hell of it, and that's what I came up with.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

She's Just Being a Mother ... isms!

Do the dishes. Take off your shoes. Eat your vegetables. Leave your brother alone. Say please. Say thank you. Just wait till your father comes home. Mind your manners. Mind your mother. Tuck in your shirt. Because I am your mother. Don't sass me, mister. Don't chew with your mouth open. Shape up. Wipe that smile off your face. Where do you think you are going? Don't pick at it. I love you. You're driving me crazy. There is no such thing as the bogeyman. What are you doing in there? Get your finger out of your nose. The kitchen is closed. You can look but don't touch. Scrub the toilet. Pick up your room. Dinner is ready. Don't lie to me. Don't play rough. Don't be naughty. Feed the dog. I am not your maid. Listen to me. Smoking is bad for you. Don't tease the cat. Don't you dare. This hurts me more than it hurts you. I'll give you something to cry about. Ask your father. Be nice. You are full of the devil. You deserve a spanking. Get out of there this instant! Drink your milk. You'll poke your eye out. You have to go to church. Go to sleep. Stop it. You're just like your father. I don't care who started it. I don't care if everybody is doing it. I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap. You look just like your father. Put away your toys. Shape up or ship out. You're giving me a headache. Change your underwear. Don't make me come in there. Don't hurt yourself. Grow up.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Old Maid for Hire...

The care of my two cats through several nights cause me to fall asleep preparing for the only fun I have: bowling with the Show-League. A friend of mine decided to get me a maid, and cautions me to handle the interview like a real businessman. He encourages me to be firm, and establish the relationship between me and the maid at the start, and ensure the woman will know what her hours and duties will be. When the maid, Mrs. Dillon, arrives, 'she' gives me her availability of hours and inquires about the household having certain appliances before I had a chance to be the boss. She prepares lunch for me: a peanut butter sandwich. I would have preferred roast beef and lettuce, or some jelly and milk with the sandwich, but Mrs. Dillon had already eaten those. She said, "If I didn't have a salad, I'd have starved to death!" Eventually, I felt like I'm working for the maid and suggested to my friend that we let her go with a good recommendation and a week's pay. We were unable to say that to the stern woman, so I schemed with my friend to make Mrs. Dillon quit by messing up my apartment and, additionally, my friend smeared the kitchen with peanut butter, mustard and molasses. When my mom came in and saw the mess, she told me she carried out my wish and fired Mrs. Dillon.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

The Cuckoo Clock Caper... In Time

Just a funny thing that happened to me today... I am usualy a solidly devoted fan of the Daytime Soap Operas, All My Children (AMC) and One Life To Live. Well, I was so busy working on stuff at the computer, the time totaly got away from me and by the time I looked up at the clock... it was 10 minutes to 3. I missed all of AMC and caught the last 5 minutes of One Life... Where did the time go? If you don't help me, I'll squeel that you were the brains in the cuckoo clock caper!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

A very "LUCY" thing to do...

Lately, I've been in the "dumpling" mood. That is, eating chinese and Korean dumplings purchased in a large bag from my local Korean store. They're very good. You should try them sometime. Well, It seems that lately, all I've been snacking on is.. DUMPLINGS. I've had them with soy sauce for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This morning... I took out of the freezer a box of French Toast Sticks that you put into the toaster. When they're done... you cut them apart and dip into your favorite syrup. I found them to be good enough to eat when just pouring syrup on the slices and cutting them apart with a fork and eating them that way. This morning was a bit different. Left over from the dumpling binge the night before, I mistakingly picked up the soy sauce for the dumplings and poured it all over my French Toast. Ay yai yai yai yai !!! Seems like 'a very Lucy thing to do'. :)